The Morning After

14 Aug 2016 by gebhard, 2 Comments »

13996303_10210279765460518_2558861393141660816_oThe sky was still dark when I awoke, to many thoughts stirring around in my sleep. Getting out of bed and I walked in the courtyard of our camp. Pennsic is quite, the white pavilions peaks against a dark blue sky only the brightest of stars left visible.

I take a few steps through the wet grass and sit on a wooden bench, and to watch something in years of Pennsic I’ve never seen, a sunrise.

The weight of the gold chain placed on me just a hours before, is already is coming to bare.

The few months have been a blur with all the prep work, not just for the vigil and elevation but also in the plethora of other SCA projects my wife and I are involved in. All of them had come to fruition in court Thursday night, now without any more pending events to focus on everything came flooding in all at once.

I think through all people that came to see my at my vigil and what they had said, my eyes well up with the sincerity of their kind words, I worry people think far better of me than I deserve.

Then the heavy advice starts to sink in, how the SCA and even daily life will change.

A sadness fills my body. Nothing can be gained without giving up something else, and sometimes a moment is need to grieve that lose before moving on.

A year before, I was a unbelted champion, a part of Red Company. I had a team of people I looked for, we were all aspiring to become something more together. We could tell each other anything, and we did. I image those conversations will be very different now. One of many burdens of a peer is to stand in judgement.

The day before, I had squires brothers and sisters. I was a part of a team. Today, I am my own.

While it’s true, none of those people have gone away. But today is different, and at the very least my role in the team changed.

What I’ve loved most about the SCA is the comradery. I worry about what is to come. Many knights have told me, they often feel lonely in their role.

I stood at walked to the battle field, no sounds of drumming, or laughing, no people on the streets and no sounds of birds, pennsic stood perfectly silent. I watch the first rays of light crest the distant horizon and stream across the fort.

This is a very silly game we play. But it’s a silly game played with real people and I love these people.

For great many people, who told me to never change I’m so very sorry. The is no force on heaven or earth that can hold back the tide of change. I can only do my best to make the changes for the better.

The story of Gebhard the uncoordinated, over energetic unbelt has come to an end.  

I will miss him.

The story of Sir Gebhard has begun and a new path lays open ahead. If it’s a path I must travel alone, I hope we can share the road the for a time.


picture taken by: Brian Clark

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2 Comments

  1. Lord Einar Inn Austrifara Josepsson says:

    Congratulations! Try not to wreck the place.

  2. Rachel says:

    I know what you mean, but you’re not alone! Your friends are still your friends, and you’re now surrounded by brothers who will recognize you for what you are regardless of which corner of the known world you might be in.
    – Sir Liadan

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